Closing In
I have had a couple of analogies floating around in my head for the last week that seem to describe where I feel we're at right now.
The first pertains to how the people around us have organized themselves to support us. My good friend had sweatshirts made for our family, with a gold ribbon (signifying childhood cancer) and the words "Emma's Army"... this title couldn't feel more true at the moment. It feels like the troops are truly being deployed - my Mom organizing an apartment rental in Toronto to stay there for the months that Emma and I will be there in order to support us and run errands etc...; my brother organizing himself to also be in Toronto for weeks at a time to support Emma and I, as well as Mom; Dad in London to help support Chris and Alex; neighbourhood constants will undoubtedly support Chris and Alex, as well and Emma and I. The neighbourhood is coming together to organize a fundraising event to end all fundraising events (see details below and stay tuned for further information about the astounding contributions from local businesses for the silent auction - you don't want to miss this event!). The GoFundMe for this event is live already and we are absolutely blown away by the generosity that has been shown. Emma is mostly excited that she will be kept flush with Star Coins for her favorite online game, called Star Stable (about horses, of course!) and of course Chris and I are extremely grateful for the support. As mentioned in the last post - accommodation and incidentals while our family is separated for these months are sure to stack up. On the flip side - we are also extremely grateful to live in Canada, where we don't have medical treatment bills stacking up as well, which would surely ruin some families financially.
The second analogy that I have been thinking about is one of climbing up the ladder to a very high and steep water slide. You have committed to going down this slide - in fact, you must - but as you climb (as we have been the last few months), the anxiety continues to mount as you feel fear about what is to come. We are now almost at the top of that ladder, both figuratively and literally, having built Emma up physically and emotionally these last couple months when she has been feeling well on the blinatumomab medication. Once we get to Toronto and begin the Conditioning steps, we must have the courage to push off down the terrifying slide and give ourselves/our Emma to the very capable staff at Sick Kids to guide us to the bottom. She will bottom out and then will start to rise, finally - cancer free, due to the donor stem cells - and build back up to another new normal that will somewhat resemble what an 11-year-old should be.
Practically speaking, we have been filling the days with some fun activities, including a day trip to African Lion Safari, swimming, more zip-lining (if you haven't tried it, you should - at Boler Mountain!) and walks to the ever-interesting corner store. We have felt the wild pull of emotions as the school year starts, Emma wanting to walk with the neighbourhood gang to school, while Alex has preferred not to (we kept him home these first few days to minimize back to school germs coming home until Emma and I leave for Toronto). I look at the back-to-school photos on social media with a mix of emotions - jealous of those that are continuing to lead a normal life; pain at what Emma is missing out on; anger that this is how it is for us right now; grateful that most kids don't have to go through this (please share in that gratitude if you have healthy children - it is truly one of life's biggest blessings). This isn't said to make anyone feel guilty - of course not - just to show the rawness of what is going on for me/us.
September has always felt like a huge transition time for me and I suppose this one is no different, aside from the gravity of the situation. But I have to always go back to the one day/one step at a time. It's WAY too overwhelming otherwise.
I'll leave it there before I start rambling! Again and again, thank you neighbourhood for your incredible support; thank you to all that have contributed to the GoFundMe; and thank you to every single person that has been thinking of us, sending well wishes/good vibes and thoughtful items to Emma and our family. We are honestly amazed by the generosity and thoughtfulness - thank you 💓
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